What If You Stopped Trying to Control Everything?

Most men spend a significant part of their lives trying to make sure nothing goes wrong.

Build the career. Make the money. Protect the reputation. Choose the right people. Avoid stupid decisions. Keep your emotions under control. Know where you are going.

It makes sense. Responsibility matters.

But there is a strange problem with becoming very good at controlling your life.

You can become so good at eliminating uncertainty that you also eliminate surprise.

I didn't understand this when I first started traveling alone.

I thought freedom meant being able to go wherever I wanted. What I eventually discovered was that the best parts of traveling were usually the things I never planned.

In Glasgow, I had already had enough excitement for one night. I had gone to a nightclub, ended up in the middle of a fight, watched a stranger get injured outside, and finally walked across the street just to get away from the chaos.

A sensible person might have called it a night.

Instead, I said hello to a stranger.

He asked if I was hungry.

That simple question eventually led to dinner, a casino, hours of conversation and a story I still remember years later.

Nothing about that night was part of my plan.

And that is what has stayed with me.

The Cost of Having Everything Figured Out

There is a version of success that looks impressive from the outside but feels strangely empty from the inside.

You know what you are doing. You know what you are good at. You know what your schedule looks like next week. You know the people you see, the places you go and the problems you are capable of solving.

You have built competence.

But perhaps you haven't built enough room for discovery.

This is something worth thinking about if you are a successful man who wants more out of life. Maybe the problem isn't that you need more discipline. Maybe you need more curiosity. Maybe you don't need another five year plan. Maybe you need to ask a question you haven't allowed yourself to ask.

What would happen if I stopped assuming that I already know what my life is supposed to look like?

That question can be uncomfortable. Especially when you've spent years building a life that other people consider successful.

Your Situation Is Your Opportunity

I don't believe every difficult experience happens for a reason. Sometimes things simply go wrong. But I do believe there is something available to us inside almost every situation. A difficult season can force a new question. A disappointing relationship can expose something you have been avoiding. A career that no longer excites you can reveal that achievement isn't the same thing as fulfillment.

And an ordinary Tuesday can become the beginning of something completely unexpected if you are willing to pay attention. That is what I mean when I say:

Your situation is your opportunity.

Not because everything happens according to some grand plan. Because you always have a choice about what you notice, what you question, and what you do next. A bigger life doesn't necessarily require a bigger plan. Sometimes it requires leaving a little room for something you couldn't have planned.

That might be where the interesting part begins.

Let’s work together

David is the author of Go! You Won’t Regret It, a travel memoir consisting of deeply personal letters to a friend.  From his experiences as a concert violinist, teacher, and avid traveler to over 40 countries, he now coaches men to discover the opportunities hidden in their story.  

Learn more about his coaching here.